HOW TO BEGIN YOUR NEXT ONLINE PRESENTATION

The first two to three minutes of ANY presentation are crucial, but at a virtual event they are even more critical.

This is because, at a live conference you may have some or all of the following advantages:

a)       Your audience is in an unfamiliar (and therefore more mentally-stimulating) environment

b)      Sitting in a conference room makes people mentally prepared to listen and learn

c)       Conference audiences view speakers with a great deal of patience and sympathy, as they know (in the main) they would not want to swap places

d)      The ten seconds before you begin your presentation the room fills with applause, laughter and maybe even music, creating a mood in which people are more predisposed to enjoying themselves

In a virtual conference, unless they are using a skilled Master of Ceremonies, it is unlikely that anything close to that sort of atmosphere can be created.

If anything, when people see your face on the screen, they don’t have the same level of sympathy that they do for someone climbing a stage and heading to a lectern.

For all intents and purposes, your audience is in TV-Watching Mode … a situation in which they are used to being entertained and engaged … and have breaks every ten or so minutes.

So their default setting is to have rather high expectations.

So, to ensure a virtual audience wants to listen to you, you need to ensure you’ve given them evidence of these two things in your opening minutes:

i) YOU KNOW SOMETHING THEY WILL WANT TO KNOW

ii) YOU WILL BE SOMEWHAT INTERESTING TO LISTEN TO

So, let’s look at how we can accomplish each of these goals.

i) YOU KNOW SOMETHING THEY WILL WANT TO KNOW

I know your presentation title may give an indication of what you will be covering.

The bio you sent through for the on-line conference brochure might also mention your topic.

There might even be an MC who sets the scene for your presentation with a bundle of skilfully sculpted sentences.

All of those are nice, but the one thing they lack is, they are not being delivered to the audience BY you.

There is little that is more compelling than hearing a speaker say:

“By the end of my time with you, you will know the answer to How To Use LinkedIn as a Sales Tool”, or

“In 40 minutes’ time, you will know FIVE REALLY HELPFUL NEW PIECES OF INFORMATION about Compliance”.

So make it clear at the start in what ways the audience will be better off from having listened to you.

For example, if you are a CEO delivering the annual results to your management team, don’t just say, “This information is important for you to know to keep you in the picture”.

Instead say, “By the end of my update you will each have the information you need to make the greatest contribution possible to the future of our organisation. I’m really looking forward to sharing this with you.”

This really connects your presentation to a desired outcome in your audience’s mind. That helps make you compelling, no matter what your topic.

ii) YOU WILL BE SOMEWHAT INTERESTING TO LISTEN TO

This does NOT mean you need to “put on a show” or be an exuberant TV-style talk-show host. You need, more than anything, to be you.

But you need to show your audience that, REGARDLESS OF YOUR TOPIC, you will be interesting to listen to. This could involve any or all of the following tactics:

• Starting with a ‘DIS’

• Starting With Humour

• Starting with Audience Interaction:

a) Starting with a ‘DIS’

This is using a thought-provoking question or a confronting comment that leads to your audience feeling one or more of the following:

• DISagreement

• DISbelief

• DISpute

• DISapproval

• DISmay

• DISturbed

• DIStressed, or

• DISarmed

If you can achieve that, then they’re not going to be thinking, “I’ve heard all this before”.

For example, what do you think would happen if you began a presentation to a group of financial advisors with the words: “I don’t like money”?

If you pause for a moment (to allow people to digest a very unexpected collection of words) I guarantee EVERYONE is going to want to know what you say next.

Isn’t that how you want your audience to be feeling?

By the way, have you thought of what you might say next? Here’s some tips (which may help you work out the right words to say no matter what your topic is):

It could be something as simple as:

“Don’t get me wrong. I like HAVING money. I just don’t LIKE money, itself”

“I like OTHER people’s money”

Or

“Money, that is, that is lazy and NOT working hard for its owner”

You could even go on and point out how money is difficult and stressful to deal with … how it makes some people behave irrationally (and so on) … before, right at the end saying, “These are the reasons that I don’t like money. I LOOOVE it!”

b) Starting with Humour

Laughter is the fastest way to connect with someone, and to make them interested in what you’re going to say next. It is also the most effective way to grab attention.

But some people are hesitant to use humour because they don’t think they’re funny. Or they’re worried that it could backfire. Or they don’t think it is appropriate with certain audiences.

Let me address each of those concerns briefly:

1. SOME PEOPLE ARE HESITANT TO USE HUMOUR BECAUSE THEY DON’T THINK THEY’RE FUNNY

These are the people for whom humour works the best. It is the serious person who unexpectedly says something even mildly funny that gets the biggest laugh.

2. SOME PEOPLE ARE WORRIED THAT HUMOUR COULD BACKFIRE

Yes, humour has risks. So does business. So does leaving the front door of your home. The key is to minimise the risk.

So, if you’re not good at telling jokes, here’s a tip. Don’t.

But EVEN IF you have a reputation for being surly, grumpy, difficult or serious … in fact, ESPECIALLY if you have that reputation … you can still use humour in a gentle and highly-effective way. Here’s an example:

“To be honest, I was REALLY struggling to figure out how to begin my presentation to you today. So, I went for a walk through the local park to clear my mind, as you do, and I was watching a couple of kids playing with a frisbee … and then it hit me.

So, after yelling at them I realised I should start by telling a completely made up story”.

And if you REALLY want to impress the audience, add this:

“[Holding a frisbee up] And I kept their stupid frisbee”

3. SOME PEOPLE THINK HUMOUR ISN’T APPROPRIATE WITH CERTAIN AUDIENCES.

Unfortunately, they’re right. However, they’re much LESS right than they think they are. Most of the instances in which humour fails, it is not the audience that isn’t appropriate. It’s the humour.

If you name any event or audience that you think humour would not work for, I could promise you in almost every case that it would.

So, for groups that are stereotypically conservative (like accountants)? They LOVE gentle humour. They’re SO not expecting it (and they really enjoy being treated like people with emotions for a change!).

For conferences in industries that deal with serious issues (like the funeral industry, work safety)? The content of their presentations is SO heavy and SO serious that a little SUITABLE humour is a welcome relief.

It becomes a much-appreciated injection of warmth and colour. A breath of fresh air.

Sometimes, what matters isn’t so much whether you get a laugh or not. It’s that the audience is now expecting unexpected things … which really keeps them listening.

So, there’s no need to be a stand-up comedian. But a little wit or word play can go a long way to KEEPING PEOPLE LISTENING.

c) Starting with Audience Interaction:

The third possible way of engaging your audience at the start of your presentation is to do something that gets them involved.

It may be to get them to stand. Or to face away from the screen. Or select an item from their desk that best represents their mood at the moment. Or to draw a picture that represents the topic you’ll be discussing.

Or you may ask a question that requires a hands up response. Or a thumbs up/down response. Or a written response on the chat function.

It could be a question about the topic. About a current event. Or absolute trivia. Or it could be canvassing their opinion about something.

There are SO many simple ways of making people feel from the get-go that they are part of the presentation.

The advantage of using this strategy is that it makes people feel that they may be called upon at any time to get involved. As a result, they pay more attention.

By the way, if you’re talking to a small audience (one in which you can see everyone on your screen at the one time) check in with people every now and then (by asking individuals questions). That is the ULTIMATE way of keeping your audience on their toes.

SO, THE CONCLUSION ABOUT YOUR BEGINNING

Early engagement of your virtual audience makes a HUGE difference to how effective you can be as an online presenter. This is primarily because of the enormous difference between the dynamics of being in the same room as your audience (as at a live conference) and everyone being scattered around (as in an online event), often surrounded by many tempting distractions.

If you make sure you apply at least one of the above recommended strategies in the very early stages of your next presentation you will have:

- Formed a connection with your audience

- Created a compelling reason for them to stay attentive

Do something that connects with the emotions of your audience (whether it is laughter, anger, dissent, amazement, curiosity … it doesn’t matter which one).

Because, If your presentation doesn’t affect any of their emotions, it will struggle to affect any part of them at all.

DARREN ISENBERG IS ONE OF AUSTRALIA'S BEST-LOVED MC'S AND A SPEAKER ON POSITIVE INFLUENCE. CHECK OUT HIS WEBSITE AT www.dipresents.com.au

MY NINE BIG AND BOLD PREDICTIONS FOR THE POST-CORONAVIRUS EVENTS WORLD

I agree with the American inventor Charles Kettering who once said: “My interest is in the future, because I am going to spend the rest of my life there”.

However, I am NOT the sort of person who usually likes to make future predictions … or has ever been to a fortune-teller … or that even believes in horoscopes (but that’s Taurus for you, we’re all TOTALLY sceptical) … but when it comes to the business events industry, I like to consider myself to be someone who is ahead of their time.

Granted, it’s only by three or four minutes … but I feel this qualifies me to publish a list of predictions for how I see our industry emerging from the other side of this whole pandemic experience.

I predict you will find what I have to say interesting … even entertaining. But, if you don’t, I guess that means my predicting skills AREN’T as great as I thought. In which case, disregard everything I write from here down.

LIST OF PREDICTIONS

1. THERE WILL BE LESS FACE-TO-FACE MEETINGS

2. DESPITE PREDICTION 1, THERE WILL BE MORE FACE-TO-FACE MEETINGS

3. REMOTE PRESENTING WILL PLAY AN IMPORTANT ROLE IN LIVE CONFERENCES

4. THERE WILL BE A SLIGHTLY-DELAYED BOOM IN DOMESTIC CONFERENCING

5. THE VIEW FROM THE STAGE WILL BE VERY DIFFERENT

6. EXHIBITIONS WILL REQUIRE A MORE CREATIVE APPROACH

7. PEOPLE WILL QUICKLY FORGET SOME THINGS … BUT THEY SHOULDN’T

8. OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH CHINA WILL CHANGE

9. THE FUTURE OF FUTURISTS IS … HARD TO PREDICT

Let’s go through them.

PREDICTION 1:

THERE WILL BE LESS FACE-TO-FACE MEETINGS

Remember back in February this year … when ‘Zooming’ was merely the name of the Chinese Figure Skater who won the 2009 Asian Games?*

By mid-May, Zooming had become a generic verb. We ALL were doing it, for social contact and for work meetings. Even my 78-year-old mother who calls it “The Zoom” was doing it.

Whilst not everyone was doing it well …

… we discovered that, on the whole, for meetings that traditionally had people physically gathering in a boardroom, they worked pretty well remotely.

I think that, after isolation measures cease, businesses will continue to hold many of these meetings via Zoom (and similar software) … and this will be one of the more delightful outcomes of the pandemic: the amount of time we will spend travelling to and attending client meetings, committee meetings and the like will be dramatically reduced.

Which means that the total amount of time we spend discovering that most of these meetings were completely unnecessary will also fall.

*This is absolutely true, although the name is usually transliterated as Xu Ming.

 PREDICTION 2:

THERE WILL BE MORE FACE-TO-FACE MEETINGS

However, I do NOT see this booming Zooming trend applying to larger-scale business meetings (ie. more traditional corporate training gatherings, such as conferences, congresses, symposia and PD Days etc).

Sure, many clients have delivered their 2020 event remotely and some will continue to do so in 2021 to keep costs down and social-distances up … but organisations will seek to go live-and-in-person because there are TWO VITAL ELEMENTS that real-life conference offer that you can’t get close to replicating at virtual events:

1. There is a far superior quantity and quality of learning delivered

2. The wide-ranging benefits delegates receive from being among others (such as increased focus, variety of views, discussion opportunities, networking, learning and motivation)

I could write at length about the huge importance of these two elements in:

- delivering conference outcomes, and

- helping delegates emerge from the other side of an event a more confident and competent member of their organisation or industry

but I won’t, as it’s not the focus of this article.

Just take it as a well-established fact that live events can deliver education and messaging far more effectively than virtual ones … and people thrive in many different ways when they are amongst other people.

Besides which, and maybe this is just me, but I find it a little hard to take things completely seriously when I’m staring at a screen that makes it look like I’m appearing in the opening credits of The Brady Bunch (or, for larger groups, The Muppet Show). And trust me … now that you’ve read this, on all future Zoom meetings you, will never be able to UN-see it.

Here’s a more extensive list of the benefits of real-world meetings over virtual meetings:

A SHORT LIST OF THE MAIN BENEFITS DELEGATES RECEIVE AT REAL-WORLD CONFERENCES THAT THEY CAN’T READILY GET AT A VIRTUAL ONE

1. Valuable connections made via peer-to-peer networking (often in the evening with a drink in hand)

2. Hands-on experiences

3. The help that audience reactions provide to the learning process (for example, the energy lift that applause offers, the focussing of attention that laughter delivers etc)

4. The assistance and feeling of rapport that delegates get from eye contact with the speaker

5. The excitement and energy that comes from being part of a crowd (think the hum in a theatre just before the lights go down) and how that helps focus attention

6. The delivery, by speakers, of emotion (which is a powerful learning tool)

7. The fundamental assistance that being out of the office, away from familiar surroundings, that being at a conference provides.

PREDICTION 3:

REMOTE PRESENTING WILL PLAY AN IMPORTANT ROLE IN LIVE CONFERENCES

Whilst I outlined the limitations of taking entire conferences on-line in my last prediction, I’ve also written in past articles about the value of creating a conference program with many varied segments and presentation styles.

To create the best educational experience for delegates, a conference day should consist of a mix of single-person presentations, panel session, audience Q&A, group discussions, breakout groups and anything else that varies the look, sound, shape and feel of the information being communicated.

Having one of the presentations in a conference day delivered via Zoom ticks that box very nicely.

Before Coronavirus, having a speaker beamed in remotely was clunky and uncomfortable ... for the presenter AND the delegates.

Now, however, we have passed over the threshold of acceptability, so using a remote speaker is far less of a risk. In fact, a virtual speaker can help events in two ways:

1. They give it access speakers who can’t physically attend.

2. Without the need to fly, accommodate and feed a speaker, an event may be able to afford one that was previously, all-up, too expensive to engage.

So, I DO see technology like Zoom playing an important and exciting part in future real world conferences.

PREDICTION 4:

THERE WILL BE A SLIGHTLY-DELAYED BOOM IN DOMESTIC CONFERENCING

With the switch back to face-to-face gatherings … and off-shore destinations being off-limits for quite some time … we will eventually see a healthy demand for events in domestic destinations.

“Yay!” for all the local suppliers who are struggling through these Barren Isolated Times!! They will deserve this boost in activity.

PREDICTION 5:

THE VIEW FROM THE STAGE WILL BE VERY DIFFERENT

I can’t wait to get back on a stage a speak to real people. But I AM prepared to be a little shocked by what I see.

1.Firstly, it will be faces other than those of my wife and kids. I’ll have to get used to that.

2. Secondly, the delegates will all have face masks.

And, as time moves on, society will judge us as much on our Mask Wear as they do our clothes. For example, these will be acceptable:

And these will be acceptable:

Whilst this one will not:

And this creates a HUUUGE opportunity for conference sponsors. There will be enormous competition to be the Face Mask Supporter at next year’s conference.

Is there a better way to ensure your name will be on everybody’s lips???

3. Thirdly, gone will be the days of conference rooms packed with people sitting shoulder-to-shoulder-to-shoulder. The seating will be significantly spaced out, and I see two reasons for this:

 a. Social distancing requirements, and

 b. This extended self-isolation will have extended delegates’ waistlines! I know what I’m talking about. My new Marketing Promo will be featuring the words, “Now featuring 10% more Darren!”

4. And, fourthly, since I anticipate that table centrepieces will feature dispensers of hand-sanitizer, I fear that we have reached the end of the days of bowls of mints on our conference table.

That’s right, folks. I am predicting Ar-Mint-Geddon. The Apoc-Eclipse. The Day of Atone-Mintie. The Final Judge-Mentos.

PREDICTION 6:

EXHIBITIONS WILL REQUIRE A MORE CREATIVE APPROACH

Whilst conferences can reinvent themselves to conform with most Coronavirus requirements, I feel that Exhibitions may have to be even more inventive with their solutions.

The biggest challenge as I see it is that, traditionally sponsors try and create stands that attract the most people … but in this new normal, a stand with lots of people at it may actually be considered UNATTRACTIVE.

I predict that Exhibitions will become WORMHOLES OF EXISTENTIAL IRONY as the less attractive a stand is, the more attractive that stand becomes.

I’m also sad at the realisation that we may also have seen the last of all those free schmontzes and chuchkes being dispensed at sponsors’ booths (like stress balls and water bottles).

This might not sound overly important to you but, to me, it means I’ll have to buy my kids REAL birthday presents this year.

PREDICTION 7:

PEOPLE WILL QUICKLY FORGET SOME THINGS … BUT THEY SHOULDN’T

Human beings can be very good at discarding painful and difficult memories. That’s why I can’t remember anything that happened in my adolescent years.

But there are some things that I hope we always remember from our generation’s global pandemic:

1. THE WAY OUR SOCIETY ROSE TO THE OCCASION

I can only speak on behalf of us here in Australia, but it has been incredibly uplifting to see the way the general population here has, as a whole:

• - Accepted that this is WAY above politics, and had faith in the government’s decision-making

• - Trusted the advice of the medical experts more than the nutbags on Facebook

• - Put their individual rights to one side and pumped up their level of care and concern for the elderly and vulnerable

In other words, we group-decided to be a country that did what was best for society, even though that meant taking quite a hit on a household level.

Sure, there have been a few hiccups along the way (30-minute haircuts, anyone??!!) but wouldn’t you rather have a few cases of hiccups than thousands of COVID 19 deaths?

I hope that we, our politicians and our industry always remember what an incredible difference we made by putting the well-being of the group ahead of our own.

2. THE HUMOUR

Whilst this has been the most serious challenge to confront our society for almost eighty years … and many of us have lost a lot … jobs, financial security, businesses and social interactions … we did not lose our sense of humour.

Even whilst simultaneously going through the various versions of the five stages of grieving we were sending memes (I’ve collected some of the better ones here https://www.dipresents.com.au/covid-19-memes-to-make-you-laugh ), dressing up to throw the garbage out and generally looking on the bright side of life.

I hope we always take that approach. Humour is the spoonful of sugar that helps us take even the harshest of medicines.

3. THOSE WHO LIFTED US UP

I hope we remember the people who have tried to help us keep our chins up throughout. These include people like:

- Captain Tom Moore in the UK, whose 100 laps of his garden in the weeks leading up to his 100th birthday raised over $60 million dollars for charity

- Or Noam Cartozo, a French Comedian who runs a daily trivia quiz for his neighbourhood (people in odd numbered buildings form one team, those in even numbers are their opponents)

- the thousands upon thousands of others who performed their own acts of kindness or community with the sole aim being to show people that, despite the isolation, they weren’t going through this alone.

- The many people who have offered to run free-of-charge webinars to upskill a workforce that found itself with time on their hands

- Our industry colleagues who understood from a business perspective, that everyone needed to be flexible. I had a couple of clients who, when they rang to tell me their event had been postponed, insisted I send through an invoice for some kind of deposit, just so I had a source of cash flow to get me through these months. 

And, also, a big shout out Down Under to our Events Industry media who have been miraculously producing regular updates featuring positive news … even though very little that was happening was either positive or news.

4. THOSE WHO TRIED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE

On the flip side, let’s also not forget those who looked to make money from others during the crisis … such as the venues who played hardball with clients who were forced to cancel.

Or the service providers in our industry who, as soon as the crisis unfolded, rebranded themselves as Coronavirus/Pandemic/Isolation/Virtual experts … based purely on their ability to insert the appropriate COVID 19-related word into their marketing fluff.

There were some who were genuinely Coronavirus-ready, such as AV providers who were able to make isolation studios available, … but there were also (for example) a whole range of corporate speakers who seemed to, overnight, become experts in a field that even the REAL experts were still trying to understand.

How qualified they actually were to speak about the specific new circumstances we were facing is, of course, debatable … but am I the only one who found it pretty distasteful and revealing that some people’s response to our industry collapsing was, “How can I make money while that’s happening?”

Yes. Let’s not forget them, either.

PREDICTION 8:

OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH CHINA WILL CHANGE

Could there be a larger elephant … or, more appropriately panda … in the room at the moment? 

Without going into whether you believe that China was upfront and did it all it could to prevent the worldwide spread of (yet another) dangerous strain of disease, it will be a tough sell to hold an international conference in China or Hong Kong any time soon (which really saddens me, as I absolutely love having events in Hong Kong).

I’m not sure what needs to happen for the world to regain confidence in the processes China has in place to prevent, contain and report the next viral outbreak but, just like the Great War of 1914-1918 was supposed to be the “War to End All Wars” … and wasn’t … this pandemic is not likely to be the last one we see, either.

PREDICTION 9:

THE FUTURE OF FUTURISTS IS … HARD TO PREDICT

And so, to my final prediction.

I know this could sound a little ironic in an article claiming to look into the future, but I predict that business futurists will become a thing of the past.

I want to be careful here, as some speakers who talk about the future in their presentations are NOT Futurists, and are exempt from this prophecy.

For example, people like Michael McQueen and Bernard Salt, who provide so much more than vague future predictions.

So, how can you tell which speakers are Futurists? There are two tell-tale signs as I see it:

1. Somewhere in their presentation they show footage of a robot doing a backflip, and

2. At some point they quote Charles Darwin on the survival of a species depending on them being quick to change.

Over the past couple of years I’ve heard a good number of futurists speak at events and they never mentioned the word “Pandemic” and what that would mean for business.

When a group of people who claim to be able to help businesses prepare for the future miss the single most important, impactful and inconvenient event of this century, then it’s time to ask some questions.

Whilst this might sound a little harsh, don’t feel sorry for the futurist, folks.

Since they are all familiar with the importance of needing to change quickly in order to survive, I’m sure they’ll be fine.

CONCLUSION

I hope this article has either prepared you a little for the new normal … or entertained you for a few minutes in the now (or, best case, a combination of both).

However, given the extreme amount of change we’ve already had to adapt to in an extremely brief amount of time, I have no doubt that we will all adapt in one way or another to what lies ahead (and I believe there is far more good than bad  in the future for the events industry).

As for my future … well … even in a normal year it is hard to predict where and how much I’ll be MCing or speaking … but I can tell you one thing with confidence:

My next article will either be a celebration of how correct my predictions in THIS article have been … or a humble explanation of all the things I got wrong.

Until then, stay safe and stay healthy.

DARREN ISENBERG IS ONE OF AUSTRALIA'S BEST-LOVED MC'S AND A SPEAKER ON POSITIVE INFLUENCE. CHECK OUT HIS WEBSITE AT www.dipresents.com.au

 

Lines To Think Of When You Need To Vent

The link below contains a list of lines that only makes sense if you've read my LinkedIn post of August 17, 2018 entitled A Salute to The Science of Smiling and Solving.

In it, I talk about how, in the events industry, we NEVER can say what we really think when a client or delegate or supplier or sponsor causes us stress.

We are all well-versed in what I call the Science of Smiling and Solving. But if you want help finding something to THINK that can help make you feel better, the following list is my gift to you!

THE 30 CONFERENCE STATISTICS YOU 100% NEED TO KNOW

I love statistics.

Which is a surprise because, at school, my statistics teacher told me I was average which, when you think about it, was mean.

Thank you. A little maths joke, there.

Also, as far as my work is concerned, I’m a words kind of guy but whilst it IS true that 43.7% of all statistics are simply made up on the spot, they also can illuminate … and illustrate … and instigate intriguing conversations.

So I present below a series of conference and event related statistics which I hope will illuminate, illustrate and instigate intriguing conversations.

Despite the fact that they fall within the 43.7%.

Enjoy. There’s a 94.3% chance that you will.

---

0

The percentage chance delegates are listening to what a speaker is saying when they put up a PowerPoint slide with eight new bullet-points on it.

Also, the percentage chance delegates are listening to what a speaker is saying when they put up a PowerPoint slide with long paragraphs of content on them.

Also, the percentage chance delegates are listening to what a speaker is saying when they put up a PowerPoint slide with a very large and detailed table, graph or flow-chart saying, “You probably can’t read this up the back”.

Also, the percentage chance delegates are listening to what a speaker is saying when they put up a PowerPoint slide and read its contents word-for-word.

Also, the percentage chance  … You get my drift? PowerPoint is a fabulous presentation tool … but when it is misused it can be an almost total distraction.

---

0.001

The percentage chance at a networking function that the NEXT glass of wine will be the one that makes you charming enough to make some fantastic new business contacts.

---

1

The number of people at a conference that are delighted when they see all the PowerPoint slides have used the same template.

That one person would be either the Brand Manager or the Marketing Manager. Everyone else will simply be frustrated at how boringly similar all the slides are looking.

Seriously, if your brand is SO unmemorable that you feel you need to remind an audience what it is on EVERY single slide, then it’s not a template you are needing.

If you truly want people to learn at your conference you’ll certainly understand the value of visual variety on the big screen.

---

2

The average number of presentations at a conference in which the presenter will refer to the Charles Darwin quote: “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, not the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change”.

Yes, there is a certain irony in people using the same 160-year-old quote to illustrate how important change is to surviving.

---

3

The number of people on any conference committee of six or more people who are either superfluous or slowing your decision-making down. Identify these people and remove them.

ALSO, the number of conference delegates still posting photos on the Conference App’s Social Feed on Day Three of any conference.

ALSO, the seemingly industry-standard number of cocktail tables per 100 conference delegates in an Exhibition Hall or Ballroom Lobby  that are available to eat at AND place dirty plates on during a conference lunch.

---

4

The maximum number of people you should have on a panel session at a conference.

Related Statistics:

10 – minimum minutes per panelist you should have for a panel. This doesn’t mean each panelist should speak for 10 minutes [see below for why not]. It simply means, if you have three people on a panel, have it run for at least 30 minutes to allow enough input from each person.

0 – the maximum number of minutes a panelist should be allowed to give a presentation in. The beauty and benefit of a panel is that it gives delegates a break from listening to presentations. Asking panelists to present for even five or ten minutes each turns a panel into a series of presentations … which was the very thing the panel was trying to avoid.

Yes ... one of my biggest conference bugbears is the rampant misuse of the word 'panel'!

---

5

The number of people, usually lonely middle-aged to older gentlemen, who suss out where in the pre-dinner drinks area the finger-food trays are entering from and plant themselves there.

---

6

The average number of hours per day a conference delegate is inside a conference room listening to someone speak. Importantly, this is more than the average number of hours per day a conference delegate spends at a conference meal.

So why does it seem way more time, effort and resources are devoted to ensuring the high quality of what is being served at meals?

Things like the presentation skills of your speakers, the professionalism of your MC, the technical prowess of your AV team … these all determine the quality of what is being served INSIDE the conference room … and they should be at least as important to your event as the choice of menu, wine and banquet room decorations.

---

7

The percentage of amazing things shown in a “Next Year’s Conference Destination” video that the delegates will get to see when they attend the actual conference the next year.

---

8

The percentage of time in a conference buffet line you will arrive at the bain-marie to find just two satay sticks in it (which happens to be exactly the number you were wanting to eat) ... and now you have to quickly decide whether you take both and satisfy yourself, or just one, enabling the person behind to have one as well ... and then you realise that if you do that, the person behind won't be aware that you really wanted two and therefore won't appreciate how nice an act you were performing ... and, hey! ... who are they to jump to such conclusions about how selfless or not you have been??!! ... Damn them! ... Why don't you just have the last two and Mr Quick-To-Judge behind you can just make do with none! Hah! There. You now have your two satay sticks and are off to find a place to sit ... but let's take one last, smug look back at Mr No Satay Sticks as you go and ... Wait! Wha?? ... Is that a whole NEW tray of fresh satay sticks that has just arrived??? Damn! Cos you'd REALLY wanted three.

---

9

The percentage of time a sponsor video, shown as part of a sponsor’s presentation or as a “Welcome Back To The Conference Room” video, helps enhance a sponsor’s message.

Just in case this point is unclear, that is a VERY poor return on time. Discourage sponsors from showing their promo videos. They usually make their sponsor spot run over time, they repeat things the sponsor already said and no-one watches them anyway.

---

10

The average number of centimetres MORE THAN is ideal that a conference presenter stands away from a lectern microphone. Curiously, this number INCREASES as the number of decibels the speaker emits DECREASES.

It can also work in reverse, where the closer to the microphone the speaker's mouth is, the more they tend to shout.

---

11

Maximum number of words that should be allowed in any conference presentation title. Any more than that and it can be argued that reading the title IS a conference presentation.

The same word-limit should apply to Speaker’s Job Titles. And it should always be remembered that, the more words in your job title, the less chance you understand what it is you do.

---

12

The percentage of speakers at conferences who, when stepping up to a lectern with two microphones attached to it, peels one to the side for them to talk directly into.

Related Statistic:

100 – the percentage of AV staff who grimace when that happens.

---

14

The percentage chance at least one Acceptance Speech at an awards night forgets to mention someone really, really important.

This number increases by 5% for each hour later in the program you get.

---

16

The percentage of any given conference break that a delegate spends in queues.

This percentage zooms to 74% if they are queuing for a barista-made coffee.

---

22

The percentage of time a video piece fails to play (or plays without sound) at a critical time in a conference program.

Curiously, this increases to 43% if a rehearsal was held minutes earlier where everything worked well.

---

25

The percentage of Name Tags hung on lanyards with a single clasp that will be hanging blank-face forward at any one time.

Related statistic:

83 - The percentage of times this will happen when you are talking to someone whose name you know you know but can’t remember at that moment.

---

27

The percentage of conference delegates that ask for special dietary requirements who actually medically need special dietary requirements.

The rest of you, come on, be honest. Ten years’ ago you thought ‘Gluten’ was the name of the President of Russia.

---

28

The percentage chance of something spilling on your top during the Morning Tea, Afternoon Tea or Lunch break.

This increases to 63% if you are speaking directly after the break.

---

34

The percentage of exhibitors at any event who complain that they are disappointed with the amount of foot traffic their exhibition booth attracted.

Related Statistic:

100 – the percentage of these exhibition booths that featured at least two of the following:

• a brochure stand

• a high-table with business cards, some old branded stress balls and a jar of Cadbury’s favourites

• a human catching up on their emails.

---

41

The percentage chance that the one spelling mistake in 700 name badges or in the 60-page conference handbook is the name of the major sponsor, the CEO or the delegate who suffered from the one spelling mistake made at LAST year’s event.

---

46

The percentage of conference delegates who volunteer to ask the first question in a Q&A Session that have a thick accent of some sort.

---

49

The percentage of delegates in ANY conference group who are, by definition, below average. Keep that in mind when preparing your presentations.

---

57

The percentage chance that a Politician who has been booked to deliver a speech at your conference, will be a last-minute no-show.  This rises to 67% if they are in Cabinet.

And 100% if they haven't checked their naturalisation papers thoroughly.

The chance that they will be forced to resign within 12 months of speaking at your event is 16%.

The chance of a politician saying anything that actually matters in real life … 4%.

---

63

The percentage of all delegates who, when entering the conference room and encountering a completely empty row of seats, will plop themselves down on the aisle one, forming a human barricade that makes the seating process take twice the time it otherwise should.

---

74

The percentage of all conference speakers who, when their PowerPoint slide doesn’t advance as expected, will hit the advance button on the remote clicker seven times in panic, taking the delegates on an express journey to their Thank-You Slide.

---

78

The percentage of sponsor presentations at a conference that, through their being poorly-delivered or simply uninteresting to listen to, actually diminish the value of the sponsor’s brand.

Hey, sponsors! I’m not good at tinkering with things under the hood of my car, so I don’t do it because it will just make a bigger mess. If you’re not good at presenting to a conference audience, don’t do it either.

There are many ways to gain great recognition as a sponsor. Showing people that you aren't a good presenter is definitely not one of them.

---

97

The percentage of things you're told at a conference by a speaker, AV person, client or venue person that will “Take just five minutes” that take longer than just five minutes.

---

110

The percentage of the above statistics that were made up by me (but I assure you, they are probably not that far off the mark).

If you have any more you'd like to add, please feel free to send them through.

---

Darren Isenberg is one of Australia’s best-loved Corporate MC’s and Speakers.

Check out his website at www.dipresents.com.au